Everyone needs a wingman – even women.

In a few weeks, I am heading to Blogher for the first time.  I have to say: I am pretty nervous.  The conference’s overwhelming reputation precedes it.  Thousands of women bloggers from newbies to the best of the best (you know who they are) in one place.  If you ask me, thousands of women anywhere sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Many words of advice have been handed out to me like wear comfy shoes (which I find almost impossible to do).  One recommendation came to me from a woman I admire, and it went something like this:  Find your group of women you like and you will be fine.  Isn’t that so simple and true?  …and so applicable to the majority of life as a woman?

When I think about how many times in my life, I have felt downright bad about myself because of the company I kept…WOW!  I know these words of advice to be true when I reflect back in time.  We all know that women can be catty and cunning, but what we sometimes forget is that they can also be kind and kinda wonderful.  It is difficult not to be cautious or concerned when it comes to groups of women, but it may be as simple as just surrounding ourselves with the right ones.

I am nodding my head in agreement right now as I know you are thinking that we must kiss a lot of frogs to find the one.  Finding the right group is often easier said than done.  When you find the right one, how will you know?  Very simply, you will not question who you are?  if you are funny? if you look silly? You will be you and feel pretty damn good about it, too.

This is not exclusive to Blogher ’12, but scattered across life in general.  I cannot even count as high as the times when other women have said to me:  Why are women not as supportive as I think they should be of other women in business?  Or, what about the times I have witnessed a group of women just being downright mean or leaving a woman out.

I always say – better to be alone than be saddled with someone who brings you down, and I mean it.  A cup of coffee or glass of wine solo is priceless compared to a beverage shared with someone who doesn’t make YOU feel good. Period.

Just this past weekend, I had dinner with some old friends and we got to talking about a local yoga studio that has several locations (one by me, one by them).  By chance, my old friend asked me ‘Do you know this Lisa that everyone loves?’  To which I could not reply fast enough because Henry piped in with ‘Does she know that Lisa?  They are all crazy for her!

This simple little exchange led to a convo around what was it with Lisa.  Why were women all over the city making a big deal about her?  I explained that in addition to teaching a great yoga class that never disappoints, Lisa always smiles and says something nice to everyone.  Women of all different shapes, sizes, lengths, and figures fill the room for Lisa’s class, and everyone leaves feeling good about themselves.  That is worth all the fuss.

My friend and colleague, Nellie, over at CorpNet is like the Lisa of the women in the business world.  Another woman always smiling and shining with words of praise for everyone around her.  This is what makes me want to do business with Nellie.  I feel good about the transaction, the business relationship, and therefore confident in myself as a business woman.  No question is ever dumb or repetitive with Nellie, and she helps women launch new businesses through forming LLC’s…what could be more confusing?

Nellie makes each and every one of us feel like a star when incorporating – that is magical.  I am not sugar-coating or glossing over here.  I am speaking the truth.

In business, life, conferencing and beyond – I guess we all have to find our Lisa and Nellie.

As for Blogher ’12 – Although both of our husbands keep asking if we are sure we want a roommate, I am thrilled to be sharing a room at Blogher ’12 with my wingman, Jenny.  More to come on that…

{ 10 comments… add one }

  • Michelle @The Adirondack Chick July 10, 2012, 9:17 AM

    I 100 percent agree with this: I always say – better to be alone than be saddled with someone who brings you down, and I mean it.

    Although I go to tons of conferences across all industries, this is my first time at BlogHer, and I’m am ridiculously nervous. I don’t know anyone who is going, I’m commuting in from NJ so I don’t have a roommate to pal around with, but what makes me worried the most is being around a bunch of women for some of the reasons you state — they are not always the most welcoming.

    • Rachel Blaufeld July 10, 2012, 9:28 PM

      we must look for one another in the sea of women…I will welcome you

  • Haralee July 10, 2012, 2:38 PM

    The great thing about a big event is that you can move on. You can sit where you like and move to another chair or another presentation room. The speakers and presentations lend themselves wonderfully to topics of conversations with strangers at meals.
    Can’t wait to hear about what you learn!

  • Candace July 11, 2012, 9:41 AM

    Rachel! I think about this a lot too…I value the women (and men) in my life that I can call “wingman”. As our world gets smaller our cirlces get bigger in social media. It’s important to know who belongs in what circle. I’m looking forward to hearing about Blogher for you and Jenny…individually, you’ll do great but together, you’ll be all the better! Sorry I’m sitting this one out.

    • Rachel Blaufeld July 11, 2012, 9:21 PM

      I think it is the laws of attraction – nice people attract other nice ones! keeping my fingers crossed.

  • Chaton Turner July 16, 2012, 9:05 PM

    I’ll be there too! Keep blogging, and check out mine! Hope to see you there! http://chatonsworld.blogspot.com/

  • Loukia July 21, 2012, 7:32 AM

    See you in less than two weeks! This will be my third BlogHer and I’m even more excited than my first one! So many awesome friends to see again! I just wrote about this too on my blog – and I hdve a BlogHer advice post up too! See you soon!

    • Rachel Blaufeld July 23, 2012, 8:50 PM

      see you soon — look for me – the tall, awkward one ..always!


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