…..By now you probably have figured out that I am at the beach. Nestled somewhere along the eastern shoreboard with an ungodly amount of dirty camp laundry sitting in my garage at home, I am getting to know my kids all over again. If you missed the last month or so, I will fill you in – my boys were at sleepover camp for a month.
They are certainly back. I have the food bills to prove it.
Anyway, I am at the beach. I am supposed to be off, but I just cannot do it. It is a like an addiction, but a good one. A laser focus that never loses sight of its target. Yesterday, it was the files that ‘Ken’ needed. I don’t even really know Ken all that well yet, but since I have lost track of how many prototype guys and gals there are, I am simply calling Ken – ‘Ken’ – because after all that is who he is…Ken. Ken is in charge of tweaking. Tweaking the prototype design to make it production ready.
In my mind – this type of stuff cannot wait.
To quote myself, ‘if one does not treat something like a business from the very beginning – it is only a JOBBY.’
Today, it was an exciting opportunity that keeps resurfacing for the blog. I could not help myself to schedule a BIG call for next week (note to self: still need childcare for this appointment).
Yesterday, I vaguely recall hearing my mom (did I mention she is here, too?) saying ‘darling, who are you emailing?’ To which, I replied, ‘Ken.’ As if everyone on the Delaware beaches is intimately familiar with Ken. My mom in an effort to avoid looking like she is not in the loop then replied, ‘Oh good. Take care of that.’
Today, I think I started making up names. ‘Who’s that?’ ‘Kim.’ ‘What’s going on now?’ ‘Just something urgent from Candace.’ My mom is nodding. Everyone is agreeing. AND, I AM TOTALLY NOT DOING WHAT I SAID I WAS GOING TO DO, WHICH IS BE OFF, OFF, OFF.
THEN, it dawns on me. I don’t have laser focus, but rather fear of failure. I fall on my humble sword. Don’t believe the hype. I just don’t want to f— up. The notion that if I let go for a moment in time, everything will fall apart and unravel is so deeply engraved in my soul. So deep that I call it a different name like focus or Candace, and everyone says ‘good job!’
Someone just say BULL or CRAP. That is what it is. BULL or CRAP or worse.
Listen, ‘Ken’ has his dimensions and the appointment is set for next week (and my kids can watch TV during that time because quite frankly they have not watched TV in 5 weeks) and tomorrow, I am going to water park and I am putting my phone in the little locker. End of story.
I am waving the finger in fear’s face because after all I am tough (and I was quoted in Fast Company this month.)