The Balance Beam of Being a Mom

edited to add:  I wrote this on Monday just before learning GoDaddy (currently my server) was under attack and subsequently everyone hosted there was down, down, down.  When you read the post, you will quickly realize that this ‘hiccup’ only threw salt on the wound.  It did not seem appropriate to run this on 9/11 so it is finally making its debut today after an emotional 36 hours or so… 

I started today out BAD.  I mean low.  Lower than low.  Pond Scum low.  It is the 3rd week of school and the shiny-new quality of a new year and a higher grade has worn off …all the way worn off.  The honeymoon with waking up to a brand-new alarm clock, brushing teeth and gelling hair, eating a yummy breakfast, and being on time has officially passed.

Unfortunately, I had a list a mile long and I wanted to go to yoga (how dare I?) before arriving promptly at 3:45 p.m. at school to be an official soccer driver to the first middle school game of the season AND I just was not up for a morning filled with bitching.  Sue me.  With kids in the 4th and 6th grade, I can only suggest 10 times that they prepare the evening before, but it would be absolutely ridiculous to actually do it for them, so I didn’t.  They have been going to school for a long time now.  I don’t even know how long, that is how long it has been.

Every day for what seems like the last century, they need a lunch and a backpack and a snack and homework and the latest addition – soccer clothes.  Is it too much to ask for them to gather all of this the night before?  I will even let them place it on my granite countertops.  There – you heard it first:  I am even willing to allow my sons to put their soccer cleats and what do you call those other things? – shin guards – on the GRANITE counter if it makes them prepare their shit stuff the night before.

Yet, this morning, we are right back to old/bad/awful habits if years passed in which it is complete and utter chaos.  Everyone is worked up, dogs are barking, kids are brushing teeth and drinking juice at the same time, my older son is attempting to watch NFL highlights – really?!?!?, and I am sweating and threatening God only knows what and sweating.  The whole 20 minute scenario ends with my boys leaving for school leaving me behind with a broken heart and mish-mash for a brain.

How can I possibly want to walk upstairs to my office and eat a frog?, start making my way down my to-do list, be creative on the blog, and anxiously and excitedly await some paperwork on the braduct?  Not without a vat of coffee and sugar jolt, which only makes me irritated later in the day.  All in all, I would label today a lose/lose.

I am neither a good mom or a good writer/entrepreneur today and that feels lousy.  LOUSY.  Oh, and I still cannot get into the damn crow position at yoga.  I have been trying for 18 months.  I mean seriously, I could have had 2 sets of twins faster.  I am pond scum that cannot crow (I can plank and vishistasa…blah, blah).  I had this plan to eat a bowl of cereal for an early lunch and literally pretend to start the day over and ot worked! Seriously.

As soon as I drained my milk from the bowl, my inbox dinged with something that I was waiting for and I received an awesome package from a PR company (more on that).

I took this as a sign to down a frog fast and furiously.  I paid business bills. Done.  Check.  Finito.

photo: SI Tumblr

Which brings to mind, why do we as women and moms always want to feel a sense of equillibrium? balance?  why must everything feel status-quo?  A few weeks ago, I read a quick bio/interview on Linda Sawyer, CEO of Deutsch North America in which ‘she says to get away from the word “balance,” it insinuates perfection, and life is never perfect.’

I say YES to that.  Why do we chase balance or perfection?  In my opinion, it only makes us feel worse.  Why are we not forgiving to ourselves?

I asked a few other women in business who are also moms and wives/partners and quite frankly simply do a lot, and this is what I heard:

‘Balance is a Mirage You Will Chase Forever.  You are already in the Oasis, so look around.’  Nicole Fende, The Numbers Whisperer

‘Balance is the goal – its like a slippery balloon – you grab it then it squirts out of your hand until you grab the string and try again.’  Cathy Alinovi,  Hoof Stock Veterinarian

‘Balance is the ultimate goal… the daily goal is to do the best we can and not beat ourselves up on the days it eludes us’  Dawn Veselka, Body Check Journal

‘I think we should throw the language of balance out the window’  Dr. Tanya Douglas-Holland

What do YOU think?  Do you agree with the resounding majority (above) that we should not chase balance?  OR, should we still pursue something that has slip passed us time and time again?

{ 2 comments… add one }

  • Sandy Fowler September 12, 2012, 1:59 PM

    Rachel, this post is laugh-out-loud funny for every mom who’s ever been there (which is pretty much every mom). And yes, I think you’re right on about balance. Life Coach Leah Jantzen and I just had this conversation, Is Life Balance a Myth, on one of my recent radio shows. Our conclusion is that life happens and we need to go with the flow, then readjust and head for the place where things FEEL good to us and work for our family – without regard for the world’s expectations.

    Love the post and am off to follow you around the web:)

    • Rachel Blaufeld September 12, 2012, 3:01 PM

      well – I look forward to knowing you around the web AND I agree we should go to where FEELS good (except for me that is the day spa..hahaha).


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