A couple of times of year, I travel to various happy destinations to [mom] blogging conferences. In jest, a few of my friends at home always joke with me: Do you guys even talk at these conferences, or do you just tweet and update to each other on your smart phone? Hahaha.
Well, big surprise, we really DO get to know one another at these conferences – blogger to blogger, and some of us go on to be famous! Like have our book published famous, and then I feel so lucky because I knew that writer way back when…That is how I know Tracy Beckerman, author of Lost In Suburbia. Just for the record, Tracy can talk, and talk is what we did when we met! Tracy made me laugh, smile, and nearly pee my panties the first time we met! That is saying something.
Being an urban mom, I find Tracy’s suburban humor even a bit funnier than most as she hones in on exactly what I fear MOST about making the leap to the ‘burbs. So, unlike Tracy who made the trek from Manhattan to Jersey, I stay in my small urban setting. Tracy found her Manhattan based mentality stuck out in the Jersey ‘burbs and gives a close up of the suburban culture. From driving in bathrobes to mandatory spa getaways to antidepressants and purse parties, Tracy will make you laugh and cry all at the same time…possibly even snort (no, you would never do that).
Snarky yet real, Tracy uses her own real life ups and downs to relate to her audience. Tracy flushes out what is truly beneath our anxieties using humor and a dose of real life.
Since arriving in the ‘burbs, I had been to a number of home jewelry parties, handbag parties, and bath and kitchen accessory parties. I figured it was just a matter of time before I was invited to a pill party where we could all exchange prescriptions for Prozac and Ativan.
I did not want to give too much away of the book, so asked Tracy to write something special for me. A tiny slice of Tracy’s humor, so you want to read (and buy) her book. I asked Tracy for her words of wisdom on raising tweens and teens since I am heading at 80 mph in that direction.
Tracy already survived this
hellish heavenly stage that I am currently entrenched in…Here is what Tracy instructed me to do:
Top Ten Ways to Survive Your Kids’ Tween and Teenage Years
10. Get a suit of armor. Just kidding. Your kids are going to think you’re horribly uncool no matter what you wear.
9. Learn text shorthand. This is so you can translate what your kids are texting to you. But don’t use shorthand when texting your kids. They will LOL (Laugh Out Loud) and then they will tell their BFF (Best Friend Forever) that you are TSL (Totally So Lame).
8. Get really good headphones. This is so you can drown out the sound of their awful heavy metal rap house music with some groovin’ Captain and Tennille!
7. Don’t dance Gangam Style or do the Harlem Shake in front of the kids. This does not make you look cool to them. This makes you look like you’re having a seizure.
6. Tell them if they clean their rooms all year you will get them a llama. Kids like llamas because they spit. And when the year is up, you can just tell them the pet store is all out of llamas.
5. Get stock in Pizza. Any pizza. Your kids will eat pizza, their friends will eat pizza and you can invest the money you make so you have more money to buy more pizza.
4. Make out with your husband in front of the kids. It will gross them out so much they will avoid members of the opposite sex until they are 30.
3. Get a really junky car. You won’t feel as bad when they get their license and forget to open the garage door before they back out of the garage.
2. Get new curtains and then use them to make all the dresses your daughter will need for her friends’ Sweet Sixteens in high school. Why not? It worked for the Sound of Music.
1. Remember how sweet they were when they were babies. It will help you be more forgiving when they back into the garage door.
Thanks Tracy for the tips and for providing me some great reading enjoyment when I snuggled up in bed at night.
Disclaimer: I was provided a copy of Lost in Suburbia as part of the Book Tour. All opinions are my own.