So, I happen to notice we are making some of the craziest offers around my house lately.
Take for example:
‘There is $5 fine if you pee with the seat down and get pee on the seat.’
‘Ok, we accept that, but if we pay the fine, we don’t have to clean the seat then – right?’
Cue extreme laughter from everyone except me!
By everyone laughing, I mean my lovely husband, too…. and, any other male in the house – adult or child.
Or for shits and giggles, let me examine the taunting that occurred last week over the sweet and sour meatballs my mom served on the Jewish Holiday. My one cousin missed out on eating the meatballs because he lives out-of-town. Ironically, they are his favorite meatballs, so my other MALE relatives and my own male offspring proceeded to text him continuously through the meal with pictures of the meatballs only to be answered with a slew of inappropriate (yet funny) replies.
editor’s note: Later I was so jealous, I felt the need to send a picture of me with the infamous meatballs. I got called a name, and I gotta admit, I laughed a little.
I did not find myself in the hysterics that ensued throughout the evening.
Somewhere over the last few months, I have come to the conclusion that around 12 or 13 years old, males, boys, men become emotionally arrested. NOW, don’t get yourself all hot and bothered and think I am male bashing here or anything. I actually think they may be BETTER OFF!
I find myself so tied in knots lately over (the dumbest) stuff. When are the Bar Mitzvah invites coming? Do I have a new wrinkle near my mouth? How the hell am I going to get rid of that dark spot? Does my dog look happy? Did I remember to put a napkin in that lunch box? Where the F is my hand sanitizer?
Would it not be so much better if I could just laugh about a fart? Or, even let the biggest fart rip (perhaps brought on by the meatballs) and laugh even louder? If I could spell out someone’s name’s with pee and leave it on the seat saying hi when they went to the bathroom? NOW – that would be such a better use of my brain power than the god damn hand sanitizer.
If needing any further proof of how being permanently located in the mind of a young adolescent is SUPERIOR, take this scenario. My oldest is taking a MUCH NEEDED nap after being up all night for days with friends at sleepover camp. Here I am obsessing over letting him rest, not wanting him to be disgruntled when he gets up, and configuring plans of how I can get him as much sleep as possible. I may as well be figuring out logistics for NASA with the mental energy I am putting into this project.
Then, there come all my male relatives, young and old, who all proceed to just jump on him while he is sleeping. Immediately, there is laughing and wrestling and what appears to be the best time EVER.
….And, all I am is exhausted from all my planning and planning and worrying and thinking.
So, that’s it. I am off to go laugh at a belch or something, or more than likely worry about something else.